This is me on web design.
However, I don’t think grammar or clothing or web design are “deeply arbitrary”? Some sentences are less ambiguous and comprehensible to a wider range of listeners and shorter than others. Some garments are better at protecting the body without overheating it. Some web pages match the official definitions of elements better, and are more compatible with a variety of browsers (screen-readers included).
I’m basically one of these “same people”. I see fashion as a language, and I judge people for what they say in what context and how they say it. And the same for graphic design, and for architecture, and so on.
Is there any way for me to opt out of this? Mandatory beauty labor is always and everywhere obnoxious as fuck.
(Okay I realize I automatically get to partially opt out by being a dude, but)
Opting out <i>as such</i> is hard. However, there’s my usual dress sense - I like to describe it as the intersection of “plain”, “conformist” and “low maintenance” but I’ve suddenly realised that “clean” (hah! - Ed.) and “in compliance with the not particularly arduous work dress code” are also a part of it. The message is “This page intentionally left blank” or “nothing to see here, move along”, past experience at school has taught me that any message you send <i>will</i> be misinterpreted, often wilfully, and “blank” is often safest; fortunately my school had a school uniform so I was spared one aspect of that.
The trouble with all of this is it all gets terribly depressing after a while…
My current frustration is trying find something to function as a purse that’s socially acceptable as a man. Since high school I’ve used a drawstring bag* but this seems like it’s both not terribly professional and getting less acceptable as I get older. But I still need something to carry my epi pen + wallet + checkbook + phone + keys + ideally hand sanitizer + anything else I need to hold on to. My alternate strategy is cargo shorts, which run into a similar problem. I’m sorta confused about how other men manage this. And in regards to the OP, I do think of this as “deeply arbitrary.”
Like one of these: https://goo.gl/images/JJbw25
Most of the time I do this with a huge deep-pocketed trenchcoat, because…I’m the sort of guy who’s willing to go around in a huge trenchcoat, and I’m fortunate enough that I can get away with that socially in my everyday life. Doesn’t work so well in the summer, though.
This kind of silly vest, on the other hand, does. I got one a couple months ago and have been very happy with all my compartmentalized storage space.
I have no idea whether you’re in a position where “silly fisherman/suvivalist vest” is the sort of thing you could wear without undue social penalty. It’s probably viable for most casual/geeky sorts of spaces, I’d guess?