A general rule for advice: People can only be so wise in things outside their domain of experience. Usually not very.
Men: Do not go to weird lesbians for dating advice
Wait …
Taken together, this means either I shouldn’t trust this advice, or men falling to the advice of weird, presumably well-meaning lesbians, is an all too common problem in your circles.
I think @drethelin is vagueblogging about @theunitofcaring, which I find rather weird (and possibly quite rude to Kelsey) considering the content of her recent dating advice.
It didn’t seem worth tagging her since I was mostly “replying” to the anon that was going “Hey your relationship advice seems to come from a place of privilege” or whatever.
I think that anon was probably another weird lesbian, though ? She (?) was reacting to dating advice by Kelsey that was specifically aimed at lesbians suffering from internalized homophobia.
Maybe? It read to me as a guy but I wouldn’t put a lot of money on it.
I’m not sure what it means for an ask to read as a guy, and I’m not sure what would be the meaning of the ask if it was a guy writing it.
Very few guys have strong opinions on entitlement in discussions of internalized lesbophobia.
I guess this is the problem with not explicitly replying to things but
“I don’t want to be mean about this because I do like you, but your dating advice tends to feel just… incredibly entitled. You’ve clearly never had trouble finding dates or companions, you have a whole bunch of simultaneous relationships right now, I don’t think you get what it’s like for people for whom it’s *not* easy. You can afford to never put effort to making anything work, because you’ll always have another opportunity come soon. A lot of us have one or two a year, and need to try then”
This has nothing to do with internalized lesbophobia or whatever and is the thing I was responding to.
This was a response to a post by Kelsey about internalized lesbophobia.
a) death of the author
b) be that as it may I infact made a completely separate comment without mentioning tagging or specifically responding to Kelsey so that I could say a separate thing
c) if you had anything to say about the actual content of the thing I said go ahead and say it otherwise fuck off with this meta tattletale shit
To stay on topic for once:
- You are correct about the dating advice thing.
- That said, a straight man might be better off taking advice from lesbians than from straight women, for numerous reasons.
- Straight women are also terrible at giving dating advice to lesbians for the same reasons.
- You need to take all dating advice with a grain of salt
- I know you talked about lesbians, but this is a prime example of #men and women
Knowing whether or not someone is a weird lesbian isn’t enough information to know if they are likely to give you good dating advice or not, regardless of what gender you are.
Any dating advice that makes dating impossible for you or sets high standards that rule out >50% of the single women in your area is right out.
…it shouldn’t be.
There are a lot of straight men – and lesbians as well, I’d presume – for whom the actual inescapable no-fooling key to romantic happiness starts with “figure out how to identify, and find, the < 5% of available women in your area with whom you have any chance of being compatible.”
Or, for that matter, “go to a place where there are actually some women around with whom you have a chance of being compatible, because there aren’t really any where you are.”
And you can stomp your feet, you can complain that this is unfair and grotesquely difficult…it is!…but the fact remains that humans aren’t fungible. If you don’t get along with most people, ipso facto you’re not going to get along with most women.
This particular thing is a bit of a discursive hobbyhorse for me. If only because I see so many lonely, embittered dudes who have arrived at genuinely insane beliefs about women-as-a-class precisely through the application of logic like “it makes no sense to rule out > 50% of the single women in your area.” Somehow we don’t think it’s bizarre or uncalled-for to operate under the knowledge that there is staggeringly important diversity amongst humanity-in-general, but when it comes to the specific subset of humans whom we want to bang…